Heavy Stuff

There is a lot of heavy stuff going on lately and today it all came flooding out in the form of a sob-fest. Luckily I was home when the floodgates opened and I broke down crying!  I was able to just kneel and weep and pray.  It felt good to “get it out,” but I’m not sure that I feel any better with the heavy stuff—at least not yet. (see UPDATE below…)

These are the things going on with me at the moment…
(and please know that this is not a competition to see who has the most going on in their life right now!)

STUCK:  My passion for orphan advocacy hit a high (or low) point today…

- I attended a lunch meeting today with the Executive Producer of the documentary STUCK.  He is a passionate man who has taken a massive issue and decided to do something about it—very inspiring!  Our lunch conversation was awesome, but certainly heavy.  Millions of kiddos are sitting in orphanages around the world—STUCK—and a big reason is due to the inefficiencies in the international adoption process.

(Please go here to learn about this awesome documentary and go here to sign the petition to help change our country’s process around international adoption.)

- I got home and opened my email to find an update from a friend who has a daughter STUCK in the adoption process in a very unsafe and unhealthy place.  It’s personal, y’all.

- We are in the paperwork part of our second adoption.  Most adoptive families will agree that the paperwork is completely overwhelming and often times seems ridiculous (which the STUCK documentary covers).  It’s really personal, y’all.

DEATH and LIFE:  This time of year carries a lot of emotion for me in general…

- March 15^th (2 years ago) was the first time we held our sweet daughter, Edeneku Lee
- March 17^th (2 years ago) was the day that Eden’s birthmother formally relinquished her rights and said goodbye to her sweet daughter
- March 25^th (5 years ago) was the day my Daddy died suddenly of a heart attack
- April 16^th (1 year ago) was the first time we held our sweet daughter, Callie Jeanne
- April 17^th (2 years ago) was the last day our sweet Eden was in an orphanage—she is now forever in our arms!
- April 20^th (2 years ago) was the day the US Embassy finalized our adoption of Eden
- April 20^th (1 year ago) was the day we came home with our sweet Callie
- April 23^rd (2 years ago) was the day we landed on US soil with our sweet Eden
- The Easter timeframe marks the anniversary of my heavenly father dying a brutal death on a cross for my sins—something I will never fully grasp, but am forever grateful for (understatement of the year)

GIVING THANKS:  Through all of this “stuff,” I’m incredibly grateful for many things…

- Answered prayer – I prayed for the Lord to break my heart for what breaks His…and He did—to the point of feeling ill!

- Supportive husband – I texted Ben about my sob-fest and asked him to pray for me…and he did—diligently!

- Gracious in-law’s – I asked them to keep my kiddos for a couple of extra hours so that I could work through these things at home alone…and they did—happily!

- Loving Father – I cried out to God for answers…and…

UPDATE: As I was typing this and processing things, my Pandora played the perfect song (funny “coincidence”) and I was reminded that my God will come through ALWAYS!  Refocused—a good place to be.

Trouble surrounds me
Chaos abounding
My soul will rest in You

I will not fear the war
I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way
My help is on the way

Oh my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength ALWAYS
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through ALWAYS

UPDATE #2:  As I was about to publish this blog post, my Pandora played another perfect song and I was reminded that my God is FAITHFUL!

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did you leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful!