Overwhelmed

To be honest, I am completely overwhelmed these days and seem to have become the type of person that I never wanted to be.  When I’m overwhelmed, I tend to freeze up.  I blame procrastination on perfection (i.e., everything has to be “just so” before I can even start on a task).  These are some of the ways that it plays out in my life…

NOTE:  Those of you who either have a personality (read: “issues”) like me or live with someone like me will understand why this is a big deal.  Everyone else will just think I’m even more weird than they thought. J

Rather than responding timely to emails and phone calls, I simply read or listen to them and file them away for later.  Since “later” never comes, I now have an inbox that is ridiculous and friends who think I’m ignoring them.

Rather than saying “no” to an event I’m invited to because my calendar is too full, I simply don’t RSVP.  And that is just plain rude to the person planning the event.

Rather than writing a thank-you note to a friend who helped me pack or move or gave a gift, I write it on my “to do” list and it keeps getting trumped by other things.  While I know I have very understanding and gracious friends, it really bugs me to know that I haven’t properly thanked them.

Rather than planning meals for my family in advance, I wait until a meal is upon me or an important grocery item is completely gone before I react.  This causes me to spend more money on eating out or last-minute grocery runs, and our family ends up eating unhealthy meals.

Rather than being grateful for the roof over my head, I complain about my house not being completely in order yet (we moved a month ago).  Because we still have unpacked boxes, I tend to not be as hospitable to others.

Rather than rejoicing in the life that is growing inside my womb, I whine about how my body aches.  And nobody wants to be around a whiner.

Rather than just driving to the social security office and handing them a form (that I already completed), I put it in the stack of things to do and it collects dust.  Now we will have to file for an extension on our taxes because Eden doesn’t have a social security number yet.

Rather than asking for help from the tons of friends who would help in a heartbeat, I let my pride get in the way.  And all that does is cause me to be even more overwhelmed rather than what I’m (subconsciously) going for, which is that I have it all under control.

Rather than being patient and sweet to my hubby, I snap at him over silly things.  Even though he is very gracious with me, it is not cool for me to treat him that way (even if it’s just “pregnancy hormones”).

And those are just some of the things that happen when I get overwhelmed!  As I analyze why I’m so overwhelmed right now (because that’s what I do—I analyze), there are several things that clearly are playing a role…

·        I’m 8 months pregnant.

·        My baby girl is 18 months old.

·        We moved houses a month ago.

·        I have an outside-the-home job every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

·        My hubby works 24-hour shifts two days a week.

·        We are passing a lot of year anniversaries for our adoption of Eden (March 13-April 22 was our time in Ethiopia last year).

·        My mom and friend just left to serve for 2 weeks in Ethiopia—and I’m not with them.

·        The fourth anniversary of my Dad’s death is on March 25^th.

·        My good friends had to bury their Dad unexpectedly last week.

·        I’m already feeling the “mommy guilt” of having a second child.  You know what I’m talking about…Eden will never have my undivided attention again; Callie will never know what undivided attention even looks like.  Etc.

·        We are seeking guidance for our next adoption.

·        Did I mention that Callie is due in 5 short weeks?!?!?!

But I know that the thing playing the biggest role in me feeling overwhelmed these days is that I haven’t truly stopped and given God any of my time.  Seriously.  Since we moved a month ago, I haven’t read His Word, I haven’t truly prayed (besides at meal time and every now and then in the car), and I haven’t stopped long enough to listen to Him.

Now, more than ever, I realize what I’ve always known to be true.  I cannot do this on my own!  I need my Father!  I need Him more than I need that extra sleep.  I need Him more than I need to unpack a box.  I need Him more than I need to do my monthly budget.  I need Him!

So, I’m putting this out there in the blogosphere with the hopes that I’ll get more accountability.  Please don’t take this as a cry for pity or a twisted way for me to show you how much I have going on in my life.  I just needed to get it on paper so I have more accountability.